I live in a strange place. It’s like a holding tank or maybe it’s more like straddling a fence. Regardless, it’s uncomfortable and I don’t have the proper training or experience to weather this the way I feel like it’s supposed to be done. Then again, who’s telling me that I’m doing it right or wrong, anyways?

On one side, I have to get to a place where I accept what all the arrows are pointing to but no one is talking about; however, on the other side, I cling to this idea of hope.

But isn’t this the walk of every Christian regardless of circumstance? We all have our things we have to face in reality and yet we are waiting and hoping in the Lord. But what does that even look like?

I can’t hope that the Lord will heal Mom. I have to hope in the Lord’s ability to heal her. If my hope is in the healing, and she isn’t healed, then is my God good? But if He doesn’t heal her and my hope is in His ability to, then I can assume He is choosing not to because His plan is different than what I want. He is still good, He is still Lord, He still has a plan for good; He is our Redeemer.

I don’t hope that the Lord will rescue me from my pain, hurt and depression. Instead I hope in His strength, knowing that He can if He chooses to pull me out of that. And if He doesn’t, then I can trust that He has a better plan.

So I guess hoping in the Lord looks like not hoping in the things He can do, but hoping that He is who He says He is and if things don’t go according to my plan/desire/prayers, I hope that when He says He is a Redeemer He will redeem. I hope that when He says He’s good, that He is. I hope that when He says He has good plans for me, that He means it and He’ll work out the details.

Mom's got Morgan (Woody at the time) on her shoulders

Mom’s got Morgan (Woody at the time) on her shoulders