What does it mean to trust The Lord? How does a person really give something to Him for Him to fix or redeem? Some things are completely out of my control leaving me utterly helpless. How do I know it will turn out alright? Will He really step in and perform the miracle I need?
I’m just being honest here I think. Doesn’t everyone have these questions? I think I’ve reached a breaking point where I can’t move forward on my own anymore. Work is too stressful, family life is too heart-breaking and my personal walk with The Lord seems to be flailing.
I’ve gotten into running these days. It’s been a bit change from the normal grind at the gym, but what’s cool is getting to know my roommate. There’s something pretty unique about Marylyn. I like her, she’s so full of wisdom. We’ve been training for the 10 miler, so we’ve been spending tons of time together out on the roads of Charlottesville these past few months. We started yesterday’s run as usual, chatting about our days at work, then I just asked if she minded if we had an emotional run. Once i assured her I wasn’t going to cry I started sharing my heart about these things. Work. Family. Stress. Breaking apart.
She said, “This is coming from a trust issue you have with The Lord. If you put your hope in God healing this ailment or performing a miracle at your workplace then you set yourself up for that hope to be disappointed. But if your hope is in the goodness of The Lord, then that will never disappoint. No matter the outcome The Lord is good.” Then she built me up, “Your walk isn’t flailing. I’ve been so encouraged by you in the past months. It’s been great to see your growth. This is not The Lord telling you these things.” (She really is the greatest. Such a gem, that girl.)
Did we both scream because that doesn’t seem like a good enough answer? Yes. But its true, isn’t it? The Lord is good. He promised good for us. And while we walk through difficult things He is still good. Yes, I have trust issues with The Lord. But what controller doesn’t? We’re working through it. One small step at a time. Lord help me.
In slightly other news, this is the last time I try to write a post on my iPad. This was a nightmare. DO WHAT I’M TELLING YOU TO DO, COMPUTER!!! Alright I’m done editing. If there’s a mistake in spelling or capitalization (which there is, I’ve spotted it but I just can’t get it to cooperate) pretend its me being artsy like Tahni (who deems it necessary to torture me by never capitalizing anything.)
And finally I would be remiss to not mention Dido’s new song. I shall pass on: Let Us Move On:
Did you actually think I would be able to embed a video on here? Dream on. This is not the tool for that!