Goodbye…Hello?

You know those days you go to the mall and you try on a pair of jeans and your not exactly the size you once were, but you’re not yet totally graduated to the size above? You’re kinda just hangin there, sittin’ pretty, in-between sizes? I believe I’m in a phase that Benjamin Ray would call the ‘liminal phase’. I’ve said ‘Goodbye’ to one part of life, a chapter you might call it; but I haven’t yet said ‘Hello’ to the next. And it makes sense that in his African studies, Ben says that in this phase it is the most fragile part of life. You are taking away a title that used to define you, but yet you haven’t been given a new title to replace it. It’s this scary middle ground. Maybe you’ve experienced it in being in between jobs. Or, as much as I hate to quote Britney Spears, “you’re not a girl, but not yet a woman.” It’s in this time that you don’t know what to move to or what should define you. Finding a peaceful, comfortable safe place is difficult; and at the same time this is when you are the most fragile emotionally. I feel like I’m here. I’m filled with excitement, exhilaration and expectation, but at the same time, fear, insecurity and pain. Where will I go next? Who will go with me? Who will support me or encourage me? Is it about the money like everyone makes it out to be, or is it about doing what I love? Maybe I’m silly to ask these questions or to become a bit overwhelmed, then again having every person ask me what I was going to do with a Religious Studies degree over break was…tough.

Staying positive is never the easiest of solutions. It’s a mindset, no, it’s faith. Isn’t it? Really, if I boil it all down, if I’m negative and consistently worried then could I truly say I believe that God is who He says He is? Do I really trust that Jer. 29:11 is true? It’s so vitally important to stand on the Word. Because everything, literally everything else, is sinking sand.

So here in this ‘liminal phase’ of life, I stand on, and rest in, the knowledge of God, and on His Word. I believe that He is who He claims to be, and that His plans for my life will be good. I just have to give myself over to Him, and follow in His footsteps. So I’m saying ‘Goodbye’ and waiting in the hopes of being able to soon say, ‘Hello’, and most importantly being faithful in the now.

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