occasionally

Do you ever have those days when you really want to pick a fight, just because you want to reiterate your point just that much further? And you think to yourself, maybe if I word it differently this time they will really get it. I almost always live there. It’s always, always, after a long conversation that I sit and think about how I could have said something so much better, or how I didn’t directly make a stance, or even want to completely change something I might have said.

Living in the past, it really doesn’t get us anywhere. Most likely, if I had the chance to re-do that conversation I would probably say things just as poorly as I had the first time. Eventually, a few days later, you forget what you would have changed anyways. Maybe I will never be able to reveal what’s really in my heart and maybe I’ll never learn to exactly articulate my feelings; but that’s when something else happens.

I have found that sometimes I don’t have to say much, if anything, and my friend is right there with me. They understand my pain and they know what’s going on in my heart. Most likely the people to whom I want to belabor my thoughts and opinions are with those closest to me; I don’t tend to share deeply with people I don’t know. So really it would be okay that I don’t articulate like a professional, because if they know me, they usually understand where I’m coming from. This really has allowed so much freedom in my life and show’s me the beauty of Christ.

But even if they aren’t right there with me, if they don’t understand where I’m coming from, and even if they don’t agree, there is still a level of respect. I love this. I would even consider this as a greater love. When I don’t agree with what someone else is saying and they don’t agree with me; we can still place the needs of the other person above ourselves. That’s Christ. It doesn’t matter if I say it better today than I did yesterday, it’s the same thing and they still won’t agree; but when they see how important it is to me and they lay down their arguments and ‘let me win’ that’s where I find hope, and that’s where I see Jesus. And of course this is a two-way street. I think that’s where we get hung up so often. It feels nice to have someone else step down, but it’s tough when that has to be you. But Jesus makes it very clear that there are rewards for those who love His children. Unfortunately, this is rare, and yet how many broken homes would be saved if we knew how to do this?

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