Oh, Monday…

So let’s talk weekend. We’ll start on a more serious note and move to the lighter, funner (whatever, it’s a word to me) topics.

So this Sunday, (or was it Saturday?) I was thinking about people and what made them who they are today. Like when I look at various adults, I find two types of people. Some seem very upfront and open yet as you get to know them they are distant and constantly concerned, while others I see are so real and you can see the sincerity in their eyes when you talk to them or you see how they interact with other people. The ones in the first group give the impression that they have everything together and their life is great; but it’s easy to see, just by looking at their kids or the way they talk to you, that things really aren’t so great. It’s interesting to me that these parents (and their kids) are the first to judge someone else, but if you were to confront them on an issue you see in their life, they are totally offended and don’t talk to you for a while after that. But then there are the others, in the second group, who willingly admit that they are having a hard time and ask for prayer, and these ones are open to correction and long for growth. I see both of these types of people all the time, and I long to become the second type. But how do they do it? Because I see both types in myself.

Both have a relationship with the Lord, both are attending church and both have kids and a husband (I’ve been watching two particular families for some time), so what’s the difference? I really feel like it’s not the fact that both groups haven’t been through difficult trials in their life. I think you would be lucky to make it past 20 without experiencing a hard time following the Lord. Like I said before, you have to deny your flesh all the time as a follower of Christ. So if they have both been through tough times (let’s not judge the degree of difficulty, cause you might be able to handle something that might wreck me, and vice versa) how does one type end up so strong in the Lord and so real in relationships and the other is so distant and gives off a sense of, ‘Because I’ve been through much tougher times than you, I’m better than you’?

Here is my conclusion. The group that goes through a trial and and really gains an understanding of the greatness of the Lord and also the depth of the sinfulness and depravity of man finds victory and is able to relate and sympathize to other people’s trials. For example, if I am addicted to drugs and I realize my sin and go through the cleansing period and find the grace and love of the Lord I can see how, because of my sinful nature, I might fall to anything if it wasn’t for the Lord’s grace. So when I see someone else falling into any other type of sin, who am I to judge them and think lowly of them that they could fall into that? Everyone has weaknesses and we are all susceptible to falling, what gives us the right to think highly of ourselves if it was only the grace of God to get us out? But the other type goes through trials and with their own strength, they manage to push the pain down and pull themselves up. So really, the pain of their fall isn’t actually healed, time has only made them forget about it; nothing has actually been dealt with or changed. If their fall is brought up or any new confrontation given, they immediately retract and assume their motto, ‘If only you knew what I have been through, you wouldn’t talk to me like that, I try so hard to do what is right’. It’s not that they don’t love the Lord, it’s not that they don’t try to honor God, it’s that the pain is too great and the process to much to handle that they push it all down and never really give it to the Lord for Him to heal.

So all this to say, I’ve decided that I want to be the real person. The one that feels and understands and doesn’t judge. Lately I’ve just not been in the mood for judging. The best thing I can do for someone that has fallen is to pray, and pray hard. That and be there for them and be the example I’m supposed to be. So here’s to being real!

Ok on a lighter note, I have only recently conjured up the greatest idea for a gift for my friend. I mean some might consider me a genius for this idea. Here’s the problem, because my genius brain is so awesome 😉 the main thing I need to make it happen, doesn’t exist. Imagine that. And I mean this would have made her cry it’s so good. (typically I can know that I’ve done well when giving a gift or telling a story if they cry) And I did feel bad for not getting a gift before this, but I would rather have a perfect one late than one on time that was thrown together. So this sucks. I don’t know what I’m going to do now…

So when I doze off into space I often scratch my chest, like close to my neck very softly, just back and forth. I never noticed that I did it until my roommate pointed it out one day. I think what actually happened was that I looked in the mirror and was shocked that I had scratch marks on my chest and Em told me that it’s my nervous habit. So today I’m sitting at the kitchen table considering my post and the kid I nanny is staring at me exaggerating my mindless scratching and goes, ‘why do you always do this?!’ oh well. We all have our own quirks.

One more thing. It has come to my attention that I am quite stubborn. Alright, I have known this about myself since day one. But I see it in myself all the time. Once I get attached to an idea or something I want to do, it really takes the hand of God to change my mind. Like this gift thing, I searched the city of Charlottesville for 3 hours yesterday, all to no avail. I was sweating like a dog walking from the bookstore to the corner and up and down the downtown mall. Racing through Barracks Road shops and found nothing. Maybe I’m just a bad searcher, but there’s really nothing that is going to stop me from making this thing, even if I have to create this item by myself…well that would look terrible, but you get the picture.

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